November
is National Adoption Awareness Month!
Learn to do
good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead
the widow's cause. Isaiah 1:17
The church has become more and more aware that
as Christians we are all called to have a heart for orphans. The individuals at FAM ministries would
like to challenge the church that not only is it to be a place to help raise
the banner of awareness (of the orphan crisis) or assist others in answering
the call to foster and adopt, but to help these children and families once they
are home. Kids often come from hard places and/or are impacted by their
history and they face unique challenges and issues. While foster and adoptive
families have counted the cost that this journey may bring, it can’t be
traveled alone. We want to have churches that foster healing for children and
parents. The journey of fostering/adoption isn’t over once a child is placed.
It is just the beginning. Below you will find out a few simple ways that the
church can come alongside these families.
1)
Educate your families
Therefore encourage one
another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
One way the church can encourage families is for
individuals to take time to educate themselves and their children about foster
care and adoption. Reading the book, “Adopted
for Life” by Russell Moore, is a great place to start. There are many
resources available online on a wide variety of subjects pertaining to adoption
and fostering, including Mom Life Today, Family Life, Focus on the Family,
Lifesong for Orphans, The Forgotten Initiative, Loving Shepherd Ministries,
Empowered to Connect, and Tapestry Ministry, along with personal blogs of
adoptive or foster families.
Another way to educate your family is simply to
explain to your children that families that don’t look like your own are still
real families. This doesn't only apply
to foster or adoption families; expand it to other families you know who have
unique situations as well. When talking
with your family about children who are in foster care or who are adopted don’t
use stereotypes to describe them. An orphan is so much more than the images we
see; each one of these children is created by God just like any other. Put your
child in the shoes of an adopted or foster care child. How would you want them
treated? What sort of conversations would you like people to have about your
adopted or foster child? Don’t say hurtful or negative things about the child’s
biological family or birth country. Many of us lack understanding of what it
would feel like to be in these situations (what the birth family and child
face), but it doesn’t mean that we should lack in empathy and compassion.
2) In
regards to families that have children with different skin colors
For God
shows no partiality. Romans 2:11
In the white community, skin color isn’t
something we often think about so it’s easy to pretend prejudice doesn’t
exist. We are tempted to think not
talking about it or trying to get our kids not to notice it will make them less
prejudiced. This is untrue. Take inventory of your own racial beliefs and
stereotypes and see if you have areas in your heart where work needs done,
remembering that God created us all in His image. And keep in mind, it’s okay
to talk about skin color! Your kids will notice it and should be
encouraged to talk about it honestly. Be intentional in showing children
positive examples of individuals of different skin tones/ethnicities and do not
project racial insecurities on them. In regards to foster and adoption, explain
that sometimes kids have different skin colors from their parents, but they are
still a real family.
3)
Watch what you say
So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire. James 3:5
Families that are involved in foster care and
adoption know that part of the journey is being asked many questions, which can
be overbearing at times. The church can provide a haven a rest for those
families by being more conscious of how we are communicating. Here are some
tips.
CONVERSATION TIPS:
*It
is helpful to foster and adoptive families when you DON’T ask about a child’s
history. A child’s story is personal, and parents vary on how much they want to
share, if at all. Due to confidentiality in foster care, they may not be
allowed to share. Be respectful of this decision. Be the hands and feet of Jesus and love them
regardless of knowing.
*If
you would like to compliment an adoptive/foster family that you don’t know well
or are complete strangers say something like “You have a beautiful family,”
instead of asking personal questions.
*Do
not ask parents if their kids are adopted, or where they are from in front of
them.
Avoid
saying, especially in front of the adopted or foster child:
-“He/She is so lucky. “
or “What a charitable thing to do”
-“What’s wrong with the
birth mom?” or “Why didn’t the birth mom
keep the child?” or “How could the mother give away this beautiful child?”
-“Aren’t you scared of
the inherited traits your child could get?” or “Aren’t you worried about how
bringing a foster child in your home will affect your family?”
-“You had your baby the
easy way.”
-Talk about the
biological family as the “real” family insinuating that the adoptive family is
not. (Examples: "Are you going to
have any of your “own” children?" "Is that his “real” brother?")
-“Adopted children don’t
turn out” or “I’m so glad you got your baby young. I’ve heard lots of bad
stories about adopting older kids.”
-"Once you get your
child, I bet you will get pregnant."
REMEMBER satisfying a curiosity
is not worth hurting someone's feelings or making a child feel
uncomfortable. Most families are happy
to share and educate, but at appropriate times.
The call to foster and adopt is very personal, and
families often feel that God has called them specifically to what they are
pursuing. Sometimes families find that
comments they hear are not always completely inappropriate, but they are often
brought up at bad times, such as when a family is at the grocery store. Some of the most frequently asked questions
include what the process entails, what makes up the cost, the need, how
families are approaching fostering and adoption, and the joys and challenges of
fostering and adoption. We encourage those who are interested in learning more
about foster care and adoption to be intentional in scheduling an appropriate
time to learn more about these families’ convictions and the care that is
involved. It gives the families a better chance to be open and share and the
interested individuals a better opportunity to learn.
4) Simple ways to encourage foster and adoptive families
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2
-Offer babysitting
-Bring food or help organize meals for the
family that is bringing in the child, no matter the age.
-Clean or pay for a cleaning service for the
family.
-Ask the families for ways that you can help to
reduce their exterior responsibilities while they focus on bonding and family
adjustment. Pay attention to the whole family.
- Send gift cards
-If unexpected challenges arise, encourage these
families by being supportive in your comments, offering prayers, sending cards,
etc. A foster or adoptive family should
be able to be open with the body of Christ about their challenges without
fearing that gossip and negative stereotypes may ensue if they share. Let no corrupting
talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits
the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
-Pray! “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
James 5:16
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He predestined us for
adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will.
Ephesians 1:5
To redeem those who were
under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are
sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba!
Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir
through God. Galatians 4:5-7
For you did not receive
the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit
of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15
