A Different Perspective

Shortly after we brought Josiah home I ran into this article on another adoptive family's blog. It's a beautifully written piece that helps adults understand an adopted child's perspective in an "adult" way. Enjoy!

A Different Perspective Hanky required. For anyone considering adoption, please read this article. November 01,2006 / Cynthia Hockman-Chupp

Imagine for a moment.... You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by soul mate, for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow. The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world-the person who will be with you for the rest of your life. The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But it's not him! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?  You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back. . .even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone. You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to get along. You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation. Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before. He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep. People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along. Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait. How would each of us handle all these changes?  How would this impact us for the rest of our lives? ©2006 Cynthia Hockman-Chupp. Cynthia is an adoptive parent, teacher, and writer who has learned the most about parenting from her children. She operates a website with Heidi Louella, another adoptive parent and teacher, called www.A4everFamily.org with great information for families that are dealing with the challenges of attachment in young children. Her analogy is courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller, an attachment therapist. This article appeared in the book Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections. Used by permission. This article was originally published in Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections published by EMK Press. This 520 page parenting book is a tapestry of contributions from over 100 adoptive parents, adoption experts, birth parents, and parents who have become experts to parent the children who have come to them. It is available from EMK Press, 16 Mt. Bethel Road, #216, Warren, NJ 07059 732-469-7544  www.emkpress.com

Josiah 17 months

Kudos to my amazing husband for these pictures! 

*I have to mention that I came home from work Saturday night and he surprised me with these. I don't know too many guys who would be willing to dress up their child in a cute outfit and take them out for a photo-shoot!

Adoption Month

Did you know November is 

National Adoption Month?

During November I plan to share a few things on my blog this month to help celebrate!

  Enjoy the sermon "Free as Sons" by David Platt

I love this talk because...

1) He educates others on what NOT to say to adoptive families:

And sometimes people will hear that story and they'll look back and say, "That is so nice. Now, do you have any children of your own, too?" Okay. Phrase number one not to say to an adoptive parent: Do you have any children of your own? That's when you put your arm around this person, you kind of bring them in and say, "I've got a secret for you – he's ours. Like, he's our own children. It's not oh, we have this child and then our own children over here; our own children." When we got back and Heather got pregnant with Joshua and people would say, "Wow, that's great – you have an adopted child and now you're going to have one of your own." 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We have this tendency to divide children, to distinguish children between well, there's adopted children and there's biological children – as if adopted is some adjective to describe a child. It's not an adjective, it's an action that has taken place. You adopt someone, and now they're not an adopted child; they're a child, period. 

Sometimes, people will say – this is another big one – sometimes people will say, "Well, have you ever met Caleb's real mother?" "Okay, let me introduce you to her. Her name is Heather." And they say, "Well, you know what I mean." "Okay, what do you mean? That she's, like – Heather's her fake mother and there's a real mother out there?" And I start going off on defending my wife. 

So anyway, so I would encourage you not to ask a real mother. Another one I would encourage you not to go here, because, well, the thought or the question that comes up – "Oh, he's adopted. How much did he cost?" Okay – all right, now we're about – we're about to take the gloves off now. As if you can put a price tag on a child, and especially in light of all that we spend our money on. But anyway, no, you don't go there. 


2) He reminds us of the gift of adoption.

And I said, "Yeah, I love you, buddy." And he looked back at me and he said, "Why?" And I said, "Because you're my son." He said, "Why?" And I paused. "You love me, Daddy? Why?" "Because you're my son." "Why?" Why is he my son? Why, out of all the children in the world, is this little guy that I'm playing with my son? And I start tearing up, getting emotional. Caleb doesn’t know what's going on. That's the last time he'll ask me why. 

He was just playing with his daddy, now his daddy's weeping, and I just look at him and I said, "Because we came to get you, buddy, and we wanted you in our family." Can I remind you that the God of the universe looks upon your life, church – not the person beside you, in front of you, or behind you. He looks upon your life and says, "I love you." "Why, God? Why would you love me?" "Because you're my son." "Why, God? Why am I your son?" "Because I came to get you. I came for you, and I wanted you in my family." 

Orphan Sunday

Orphan Sunday 2012 http://vimeo.com/41789537 About this video "On Orphan Sunday, Christians stand for the orphan. We are a people called to defend the fatherless…to care for the child that has no family…to visit orphans in their distress. Each event is locally-led. Sermons and small groups, concerts and prayer gatherings, shared meals and youth activities—each rousing believers with God’s call to care for the orphan, and what we can do in response. From many sources, one voice. On November 4th, 2012, thousands of events echo across America and around the globe, all sharing a single goal: that God’s great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well. Orphan Sunday is your opportunity to rouse church, community and friends to God’s call to care for the orphan. Thanks to Phil Wickham for permission to use the song, "You're Beautiful"."

http://www.orphansunday.org/

Orphan Sunday Prayer Points

(Prayer points taken from “God’s Heart for the Orphans” by Rick and Kay Warren)

1)    Pray that the Lord would give you a personal sense of responsibility for praying for orphans. Ask that He would help you to see orphans with His eyes and His heart. Pray for the Lord to help your church congregation feel His heart for the orphans.

2)    Pray for the fatherless in your community and/or any orphans you may know by name. Ask the Lord to protect them, care for them, and defend them. Pray for families in countries all over the world who have room in their homes and hearts for a fatherless child. Ask that the Lord would speak to them even now, leading them to consider adoption or foster care. Pray specifically for families in your community who may be in the process of adopting. Ask for God’s provision for all of their needs: physical, emotional, and spiritual.

3)    Ask the Lord to lead the lawmakers in every nation to protect and provide for orphans.

4)    Ask the Lord to raise up respite care providers to support and give relief to the caregivers caring for orphans who are waiting to have families adopt them.

5)    Ask God to care for child- headed households. Pray that the Lord will provide for their needs. Pray that an adult would come alongside them and adopt them. Ask the Lord to protect them from abuse.

6)    Pray for children who are not yet orphans but may only have one parent who may be sick or dying. Pray for the health and safety of their parent. Pray for God’s provision. Pray for protection for the children in these households.

7)    Ask God to protect children affected by war and violent conflicts. Pray that the Lord will protect their vulnerable hearts and keep them safe. Pray that a church will reach out to them.

8)    Ask the Lord to release and speed any care supplies to refugee camps where many orphans live and need even the most basic necessities. Ask Him to cut through any governmental regulations or corrupt leaders to miraculously get the supplies delivered to where they are needed most

9)    Pray for the health of
 orphans around the world. Ask the
Lord to provide medications and treatment for the simple things that are unnecessarily killing children like unclean drinking water, malaria, dysentery, AIDS, and malnutrition.

10) Pray for street children. These children live under bushes and in dumps and sewage pipes. They may eat meals out of trash cans. Many people walk by them without seeing them or view them as pests. Ask God to open the churches’ eyes to help them see the orphans all around them. Ask the Lord to provide food and shelter for the street children.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,

    is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families...

Psalm 68:5-6

Lifesong Ethiopia (Guest-post)

Guest-post written by Ann Meyer

Lifesong Ethiopia is all about changing lives and giving hope to some very destitute people on earth. We, which includes anyone that has ever donated, are helping to change the futures for the 830 students that are enrolled in our schools in Ziway and Adami Tulu, Ethiopia. Gamado is one of those little boys. He is 7 yrs. old and in the first grade, learning Amharic and English. Every morning, at the flagpole ceremony, he is hearing God’s Word, praying and singing songs. He has a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes.

We got the opportunity to walk Gamado home, after school, one day and meet his family. His mud block house with the dirt floor is just a short walk away, in the poor village of Adami Tulu. It was dark in his home. The single light bulb in the ceiling either was broke or is simply a luxury that cannot be afforded during the day. His frail mother stood leaning against the mud wall during the visit so her few stools, the only furniture in the bare house, could be used by her visitors. Fatma, the mother, introduced her other children. Kedir is the oldest son, 10 years old, plus a small son of five years and the two year old baby girl. She mentioned another child, the twin of the 5 yr. old, but he died already. Fatma appeared to me a tired, worn women and no wonder, she was a daily laborer. Each morning she needed to arise and go out searching for work to earn money that day. Sometimes she inspected maize, other days it was washing clothes by hand. If there was no work that day, there would be no money to buy food either. 

When asked if Kedir was in school, Fatma reported that he got registered in the government school, but she did not have money to buy his school books. Besides, if he cared for the landlord’s animals, they could receive free rent. It seems that the opportunity for an education for Gamado’s older brother has passed him by. 

We had taken a live chicken and a warm blanket as gifts to our student’s family. In a land where meat is only for special holidays, we knew the chicken would be really enjoyed, unless it needed to be sold for more important items. Fatma held tight to the blanket. I understood when she looked in despair toward the meager pile of thin blankets lying on the cold, earth floor. Oh my, I camp in a tent in better luxury than her family lives every single night. 

There is no running water available in her home. Water must be collected and carried every single day. A normal stove and refrigerator are also absent in her type of life. Her tiny cooking stove, only big enough for one pot, requires coal which needs to be purchased. No money, no cooking. 

Fatma is a representative of the lives that Lifesong Ethiopia is trying to change. She was born in poverty and poverty made the choices in her life. She was a “Child Bride”, given away at a young age, so her own family would no longer have the burden of feeding her. Her husband’s religion allowed him to have multiple wives, so Fatma shared her husband with another family. She was only fifteen when she bore her first child.

Maybe it was the stoop in her shoulders, or her thin body or the hopeless look in her eyes that made the impression that Fatma was middle-aged. Shockingly, this woman, whose husband divorced her three years ago, is only 25 years old! Tossed aside and abandoned when she should be at the prime of her life. There is no one to provide for her and her children. Her children’s father is still living with his other wife and seven kids. There is no assistance for them. No government hand-outs. Only charity…from other very poor neighbors.

One less daily worry for Fatma is her son Gamado. His school tuition and books are being provided by Lifesong Ethiopia, thanks to wonderful sponsors. His tummy is fed a nutritious breakfast and lunch at school each day. His education may help her future someday too. It is our hope that Gamado will share the “SON” that he hears about in school, at home with his family, so someday HOPE will shine in his mother’s heart. 

Will you consider helping Gamado and his classmates by helping build their new school for grades two thru fourth? Our current school in Adami Tulu only has room for Nursery, Lower K, Upper Kindergarten and First Grades. We need to start building now because Gamado and his first grade classmates will need it by Sept. 2013. 

Donate Online: http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/EthiopiaDonate

Donate by check: (Designate for Ethiopia Capital Projects)
Lifesong for Orphans
ATT: Ethiopia Capital Projects
PO Box 40 
Gridley, IL 61744

Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all US administrative and fund-raising costs. That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the need…helping orphans.

ECFA Member -Lifesong is a certified member of the Evangelical Council on Financial Accountability

FAM and some pics

FAM is having a fundraiser selling Audrey's Pumpkin and Gourmet Cake Rolls if anyone is interested. Contact myself, Jane Reinhard, Angie Topp, or Jenny Berstch. Or just find us at the table at church. Visit site at http://audreyspumpkinrolls.com. 

***

A few pics from September/October 

I was in the bedroom finishing some laundry when I heard Josiah yelling.
How he got in here, I have no idea. 

Easier to get into this position, than out of!

Relaxing in his bike carrier.

His favorite toy and my favorite PJ's on him!

Could these two be more opposite? Or any cuter? 

Enjoying some Fall festivities in Ohio with daddy.

Watching the go-carts. 

Reading one of his favorite books. 

I'm sure you can tell by the pictures how big he is getting! After almost two months of trying, he officially started walking a couple weeks ago and has been starting to say some new words and sounds. I have never been so thankful for technology to help to record these priceless moments!

October 27th

Featuring Mark and Heather Miller

Saturday October 27th

@ Foundations 

112 W Market St

Downtown Bluffton

Doors open at 6:30

http://www.facebook.com/solongsolo